When Burnout Turns Coping Into Addiction — Alina Meyer-Riad

Welcome. This show is for people in the middle of something difficult. If you're navigating burnout, a career change, or rebuilding something that stopped working, you're listening to Share, Inspire, Explore. I'm Chris Wilson. I've been through it. And I built the Where I'm At community because I couldn't find the conversation I actually needed. Season two is guest-led. In each episode, I sit down with someone who's lived it or studied one of these phases. Recognize. Reset. Reinvent. Real conversations. Nothing packaged. Let's get into it.

Welcome to Share, Inspire, and Explore. Today's episode is about something we don't talk about enough when it comes to burnout. The coping strategies we adopt to survive that sometimes end up hurting us. From stress drinking to digital overload, we'll explore how addictive behaviors can sneak in and what we can do about them. I'm honored to welcome back our guest from season one, Alina Meyer-Riad, a resilience coach and addiction counselor. In her business, she empowers individuals and organizations to reflect on unhealthy work patterns, build inner strength, and form healthy habits. In our conversation, we'll explore work addiction, stress culture, and how resilience can be your strongest ally. Welcome back, Alina. I'm so happy you can join today.

Thanks for having me. Can you tell our new listeners, perhaps, and viewers a bit more about you and your work, please? Thank you. My name is Alina Meyer-Riad, and I'm a social worker, studied in the Netherlands, and also I'm an addiction therapist. Also, I coach people to get more resilient in their lives and try to, yeah, understand what's behind some coping mechanisms. And yeah, I'm happy to be here again and talk about my favorite topic. Excellent. Happy you're here. And before we get started, just a reminder, this episode is for informational purposes only. It is not a substitute for medical, therapeutic, or legal advice. And if you're struggling, we encourage you to speak with a qualified

professional. So Alina, we often talk about burnout in terms of exhaustion and performance. But how do addictive patterns show up as a response? So the problem of addiction and maybe burnout is that sometimes we see it differently. On the one hand, we see burnout. So a person's having a burnout, going to a psychiatrist or maybe just talk about that kind of that kind of thing going on. I see in my work that it's very interesting to see both and talk about maybe also a pattern of addiction. Maybe something in the past happens that a person got addicted and also maybe is having or have a burnout situation. I think, yeah, we need to talk about both

in the same time. So what are some of the most common coping mechanisms you mentioned that you see amongst burnt-out professionals? Yeah, the most coping mechanisms are work too much, as we talked in the last episode. So maybe try to run find the stress while working more and more and more. In the end, it's not worth it. It goes in the other direction. Also, I think the topic we're having at the moment a lot is when we talk about social media, when we talk about using the phone, like phones a lot. I have two. And I have another Netflix going on somewhere and maybe radio and everything. It's like my mind is not really there. It's not really in the

moment. And I think it's not just me talking about it. I think a lot of people feel that kind of stress, like alcohol, cigarettes, but can't really tell why they are using the phone the whole time or looking on the app the 10th time in two seconds. So this is also a mechanism behind maybe something you want to feel. Maybe the stress you want to see or the real topic what's going on.

And also the usual things like alcohol, cigarettes, when we talk about addiction in this place, yeah, could be things going on behind. And are those coping behaviors always obvious to the person doing them?

No, that's what I just told you that most of the people are like running beside their own path. They think everything is fine, and it's working out and it's normal how they behave. That's why it's very important maybe to talk to another person. Because sometimes we don't see how we behave. We just behave and we don't feel or see our mechanisms going on. And other people, yeah, sometimes when we ask maybe the families, they are like, "Okay, we see that since 10 years," but the person don't feel different or feel strange or feel that will be a problem. So no, normally, not really. I think this is a very hard question, but if we try to understand how addiction works, then for me it's very important to explain that, again, we can't see it separately.

When a person is addicted, then it will be a problem at work and at home. So you can't tell that the problem is just at work, but I understand your question. Maybe an example could be an example could be that the person who is, let's talk about alcohol addiction maybe, when I see my clients, they try to hide it till the end at work, but at home everyone knows about the problem. So I see a lot of people try to try to work until the end of their last energy, but at home they show more how they really feel. Not every time, but I think there is one difference. And another thing is that sometimes addiction can be or is maybe also positive at work than at home.

An example, I have a client, he told me that it was normal, not just normal, it was good to drink. At work, like with the colleagues, and maybe to say I'm part of that crowd, kind of, and not to tell them I don't drink or I have a problem maybe and don't want to. And this is a different thing at home. But when we talk about friendships, we have the same problem there as well. I think this is maybe one topic I see. Yeah, and when we talk about work addiction, for sure, this is a big difference. Because at work, it's kind of good. Because, yeah, you will get a lot of positive vibes, a lot of thumbs up.

That's a hardworking person. But when the person is at home, or maybe with a social environment, or maybe in the end, he or she don't even have a social environment because of that problem at work.

Yeah, we have a different thing going on there. Yeah, so we talk about home. I mean, how does burnout impact our relationships and habits? You know, in this personal environment.

Yeah, I think it's important to talk about that. Because burnout kind of starts at work, or the problem is the work, or the workload. But for sure, you will have a problem at home. Because, see, when you leave all your energy at work, you will not have any left at home, or for your social environment, or for your social life. For example, I have a client, he just came out of rehabilitation and is talking with me now and try to manage everything again. But in the past, that was the problem. The work was kind of working until the end. But when he had a burnout, he told me that he can't do anything at home.

His kids were very sad because he don't have any energy for them left after work. And yeah, his wife as well. But he really tried. And this is the thing we need to talk about. It's not that people don't want to.

They really can't, because there's no energy left. When you understand how the energy in your body or maybe in your system works, we just have... I don't know, we have this here, and when work takes this, maybe you have something left for having food, and then it's like done, you know? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Nothing is happening again. And this is a big, big problem. And we don't need to talk about meeting friends. This is not even a thing to talk about when someone is just, yeah, working, working, working the whole time and don't have time for something else.

So there's no social life. Yeah, I can definitely relate to that. Can these behaviors shift from being coping tools into something more dangerous? Obviously, alcohol can be pretty dangerous.

Yeah. When we talk about coping mechanisms, that's how it works. And this is the problem that they start very positive and easy going. That's why you try to manage your life with them, try to manage that. Because when it's not working, when you start to start the coping mechanisms, then you will not, like, do it for a long time. The thing is that your brain is telling you, oh, wow, that's really working out for me. Let's do that again. And that's why when you start, I don't know, drinking alcohol while you need to work harder or work in the evening, your mechanism is, like, reminding the next time, hey, the last time it worked out, let's do that again.

And that's how it works, actually. So it starts very small and not with, like, a big thing going on. And then your system needs more to get to the same point than you started where you started. And this is the problem while addiction, like, how addiction works. It starts very small and you need more and more and more to get to the same point in the end. And that's where we have the turn. When we don't have it like this, there was the positive. And when you start, there are the negative. And in the end, it's a different.

So, Alina, can you share how you break the cycle, you know, and build this resilience here? For example, you know, what are some small practical steps someone can take to replace these unhealthy coping strategies?

Yeah, that's a good thing to talk about. And the first thing is to talk about. If you feel, and this is really, really a thing, can tell everyone who's listening. If you feel sometimes some of your mechanisms don't feel well, then it's the truth. So, don't ignore your brain telling you something. So, if you sometimes have a feeling or feel bad after drinking alcohol too much or maybe having the phone the whole time, then try to listen. Try to listen to your body, brain, to your system who tries to tell you the truth. And this is, I think, the main problem then that people or humanity is not listening to what's going on inside. So, I think this is a very good training maybe to set a timer every, I don't know, two hours to, yeah, kind of be just with you and try to listen what you need at this time.

Maybe it could be some water, maybe it could be something to eat. Try to, yeah, with your needs and not the unhealthy needs. Okay, it's okay if you need maybe some gums, take them sometimes, but not like every time, you know. I think this is a good thing just to, maybe to double check with another person is also a good thing. Not just to be with you and your own thoughts. If you're not really sure if that's a good idea, then maybe it's not a good idea. Yeah. Then share it with someone, maybe a friend or a therapist, whatever you like. And, yeah, try to understand why you're doing things. I think this is a main character of being resilient.

People who are very resilient, they want to understand why things are like they are and why we behave like we behave. So, be interested. This is Simon Sinek, he asks the question, why, five times.

Maybe it'll help get to the bottom of, you know. Yes. So, I mean, you work with both individuals and HR departments. Are there ways organizations can support healthier responses to burnout from your perspective?

I think it's very important that we talk more often about that and not to, what I told you before, not to hide it at work. Kind of, when it's working, it's all good. And when the person is not working any longer, then we need to check on him or her. So, we need to do prevention. It's so, so, so important. That's what I do. I try to, before everyone is leaving because they're all sick, we need to talk about that problem before. We need to talk about mental health very often. And HR is also, it's not that bad. They don't do it because they don't want to.

Sometimes they don't have any, yeah, I don't know, any budget or any options to help people. And also, they don't know what to do. That's great that you're going in and trying to change that. We've had a lot of HR guests and this misconception about HR.

There's not enough, there's not enough touch points between HR and employees. Other than the annual questionnaire or, you know, maybe on town hall events. But it's all left to the manager. And then if the manager's too busy or stressed, then in my experience, everything just, it just gets left.

And so, there is no connection apart from, as I said in a previous episode, you get your welcome pack on your first day. And that's when your relationship with HR begins and ends, obviously, if you leave.

And this is the problem. Like, we need to start. And also, we need to help HR. Like, I don't, I feel we need to, we need to have a circle here. It's so important that we see a company as a circle. It's not, there's one person, there's HR, and that's all good. But we need to think it together because I have managers, I have HR, you know, like, it doesn't matter where you work, in which position. Everyone needs to know how burnout feels, how I feel when I'm maybe on the way, and how I can help others, and how I can help myself, all that stuff. So, everyone needs to be in this prevention seminar, you know.

Everyone needs to listen, and try to understand, and then, yeah, have coaches, or something, you know. It needs to be normal, to talk about it. Yeah, it should be just normal.

Just like talking about KPIs. Perhaps there should be KPIs. Yes, good idea. So, as we close up, Alina, I mean, what would you say to someone listening who feels stuck in a cycle of coping, but doesn't know where to start?

At first, it's very important to recognize that you're stuck, and that you need help. So, to understand that maybe this time you don't need to do it on your own, I think that's a big step. Like I told it the last time as well, try to understand that getting help is the better way and the stronger way than being alone with your problem and maybe never get out.

I can really tell about that problem because many, many people are being, like, they're ashamed of their mental load, ashamed of not making it, not making it alone. And I think it's important to understand that we don't need to do it alone. We are, normally, we are in a group, and this is, like, how we came from. So, we need to go back there, and I guess it's kind of in our system that we need to talk with other people about our problems.

Yeah, so we don't have to wait for, let's say, a breakdown to start healing, right? We can just begin by, as you said, getting curious about how we're coping today.

Yeah, and getting help, maybe. I like, you know that, I think you mentioned it, they are helping systems, which are for free, and maybe you can get where you live in your city. If you type in your problem, you will find maybe something for free as well. They are online things for free. And, yeah, just being curious about your mental health.

Thank you. Again, huge thanks to you, Alina. I know you're calling from a hotel room in Holland. Yeah, thank you. Yeah, for bringing clarity to this conversation again. Thanks for having me again. We'll see you maybe another time.

Yes. And to you, the listener, if you saw yourself in any of this, remember, you're not alone. You're not broken. You're adapting. And healing starts with small, consistent steps. And just a final note, we hope this episode offered insight and encouragement. It's not medical or mental health advice. If you resonated with anything today, consider reaching out to a licensed professional who can walk with you more personally.

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